You must live to an old age!

Remember Chrysanthemum? I was a very exciteable English lecturer, always pushing myself beyond the call of duty. And you were there to smile that small smile of yours and shake your head. I used to tell you jokes just to make you smile. I could not make you laugh because you were so serious.

And the Head of Department, Miss C, would shake her head and think of me as irrelevant and irreverent!!

I knew it was hard for you to smile because you had so much pain in your life. You had your tragedies, you had your heart aches. While I? I was one who had very short memories for pains. I was just that happy go lucky woman who would say "booo" to an old man and hide behind a bush....and laugh...

So one day as I was preparing my lesson, I read this poem to you...that was years ago..and now I am that old lady...yes..I am going to wear purple..Do you remember I never wore purple?

Warning


When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

Jenny Joseph.

Dear dear Chrysanthemum I want you to live to that old age and we can do all those crazy things together.

You have not lived your life! You have not relaxed. You have not had a moment of breathing space - having to care for Audrey who in the last seven years have added more than twenty years of age to your life.

News at Last

My daughter and I waited for good news from Kuching. It has been more than twelve hours of long anguished waiting.

Finally the handphone beeped and I knew it must be her. In spite of the pain she must be suffering, she remembers to send word. She has always been an effective person who starts her task well and ends well. The Chinese would call her a person who would manage everything from top to bottom. And she would definitely leave word concerning everything.

Praise God, she wrote,"I am out of surgery.In pain. Need to sleep." Precision in communication. All is well so far.

I received the news with joy in my heart but wept.

I will not know the entire process of putting a stent in her gall bladder but soon I will be by her bedside to know the details.

She has always been very frugal . In fact so frugal that sometimes she does not do the usual i.e. put the usual care into grooming. She believes as that as long as she is clean, fresh and decent it is alright. With the armour of Godliness she can triumph above all the vanities.

So at this juncture I remember the hymn which has helped many of us:

If the world from you withold of its silver and its gold,
and you have to get along with meager fare
just remember in his Word how he feeds the little bird,
take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.

Leave it there (3x)
Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.
If you trust and never doubt, he will surely bring you out;
take your burden to the Lord and leave it there, leave it there.

If your body suffers pain,
and your health you can't regain
and your soul is almost sinking to despair,
Jesus knows the pain you feel,
he cn save and he can heal,

Leave it there....

When your enemies assail,
and your heart begins to fail,
don't forget thatGod in heaven answers prayer
he will make a way for you
and will lead you safely through.

Leave it there...

when your youthful days are done,
and old age is stealing on,
and your body bends beneath the weight of care,
he will never leave you then,
he'll go with you to the end.

As I rediscover this hymn, read it again and again, I am comforted and for Chrysanthemum the positive promise of God is built within the verses...God will be with her and keep her safe.

Another day and the fight goes on. Praise God for his strengthening powers and Grace.

Prayer of Saint Francis

If I could run to a gift shop to buy something for Chrysanthemum as she recuperates in her hospital bed, I would like to pick up a little scroll with this prayer on it:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace,
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon,
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness,light;
and where there is sadness,joy.

O divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand,
to be loved, as to love,
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

13th century.


These words have been ringing truly in Christian ears. As the two of us often chatted long after our hard day's work in the teacher's training college, we would remind each other that we were not working in vain. that our Heavenly Father is looking down from Heaven at our work.

No matter how tired we were physically, such as prayer of St. Francis would revive us and we would feel that we have been comforted in the bosom of Abraham, in the bosom of God.

So may Chrysanthemum be in the bosom of God and feel His comforting arms. I can imagine her now with all the tubes coming out of her like an alien from outer space,with monitors all around her, and life support at her side.

Waiting to Know

Chrysanthemum had switched off her handphone. I could only here the voice of a stranger telling me that I should leave a voice mail. I would not do that because I desperately wanted to talk to her only. I wanted to know that she was not in pain. That she was doing fine. I also wanted her to hear my voice, and know that I am still there for her.

I keep reminding myself that God heals and it is the doctor who would operate her.

I prayed hard this morning and this afternoon, not knowing whether it was time or not because I did not have the schedule of the operation theatre of the Kuching General Hospital.

And besides that I was also working full time. I did not have the opportunity to turn to a hymnal or a Bible as I had left them at home.

So now Chrysanthemum I would like to dedicate these two prayers to you. They are not original but are from my Methodist Hymnal (459 & 460). And they are prayers that have been with me since I was in secondary school in Sibu.

God, grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to distingish the one from the other. Amen. (Anonymous)



O God, who dost forgive our iniquities and heal our dieseas, we cry unto thee.
Our strength has been brought low, and we know not what the future holds.
In our bodies, there is pain, in our souls, anxiety and unreal.
If it maybe, rstore us to health.
We ask no miracle of deiliverance,
and if inthe order of nature oursuffering must continue,
help us to accept it without rebellion.
If it must lead us toward the valley of the sahdow,
ehlp us to fear no evil,
but to go bravely into thy nearer presence.
In they good keeping,all is well.
Into thy hands we commend our bodies and our spirits.
Do with us as thou wilt. Amen.

Georgie Hakness, USA. 20th Century.

As I wait for the good news whether the stent that had been inserted into her body could help drain the toxins from her gall bladder, I find solace in all these prayers. I have to put my anxieties into this journal. and I know, as she had seen me writing journals after journals during our teacher training days, I am writing this one especially for her. To pay some kind of tribute to her, for her greatness, for her ever willingness to walk the second mile with me and for me. To stand up for me, and to say we are TRUE to our GOD, and so we did what we Christians could do.

I pray too that God will be with her husband who is waiting anxiously and crying out. I pray for her three beautiful children that they should see the beautiful smile of their great sacrificial mother.

Chrysanthemum, know that God is always there for you.

poem for Chrysanthemum

Let me share the following poem by Russel Kelfer with you . And I wish I could read to Chrysanthemum as she is taken by ambulance to the airport. Mentally the words of this poem floated in the air towards her. There is a lump in my throat and I cannot remove it.

You are who you are for a reason.
You are part of an intricate plan
You are a precious and perfect unique design, called God's special
woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You are just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy, and
God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that his likeness you grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
Yiu have been formed by the master's rod .
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God !!

I would not want Chrysanthemum or myself to lose our belief in God. We have to hold on to the Great Creator.

And I wish readers of this blog would write in their prayers and poems to let this blog grow...so that Chrysanthemum can live for a long long time.

If you happen to drop by, please give me a reply in support of my cause. If I can get a hundred prayers (copied from any where for cancer patients) I believe God will hear our prayers to make her live and look after her children and train more teachers.

Best Friend - Stricken with Cancer

I stopped breathing when I was told the worst news I have heard since my young brother passed away in 1981.

I could not believe what I heard. And at the moment I still cannot accept the prognosis of her disease. And somewhere at the back of my mind, I wish God would just take my unbelief, my fear and my shock away and grant her a miracle. I am like Jonah, not willing to go any where uncomfortable, out of my comfort zone.

I started a mental war to adjust my mind to this change and decided to use this blog to journal my feelings. At this point of time, I am not ready to lose my best friend.

In another post, I will tell you what is a best friend.

This is my early morning reading which I can share with you. Read on. Have a good day.


1 Corinthians 15:35-57 (NRSV)

But someone will ask, "How are the dead raised? With what kind of body
do they come?" Fool! What you sow does not come to life unless it
dies. And as for what you sow, you do not sow the body that is to be,
but a bare seed, perhaps of wheat or of some other grain. But God
gives it a body as he has chosen, and to each kind of seed its own
body. Not all flesh is alike, but there is one flesh for human beings,
another for animals, another for birds, and another for fish. There
are both heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, but the glory of the
heavenly is one thing, and that of the earthly is another. There is
one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory
of the stars; indeed, star differs from star in glory.

So it is with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is
perishable, what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor, it
is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power. It
is sown a physical body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a
physical body, there is also a spiritual body. Thus it is written,
"The first man, Adam, became a living being"; the last Adam became a
life-giving spirit. But it is not the spiritual that is first, but the
physical, and then the spiritual. The first man was from the earth, a
man of dust; the second man is from heaven. As was the man of dust, so
are those who are of the dust; and as is the man of heaven, so are
those who are of heaven. Just as we have borne the image of the man of
dust, we will also bear the image of the man of heaven.

What I am saying, brothers and sisters, is this: flesh and blood
cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the
imperishable. Listen, I will tell you a mystery! We will not all die,
but we will all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye,
at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be
raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For this perishable body
must put on imperishability, and this mortal body must put on
immortality. When this perishable body puts on imperishability, and
this mortal body puts on immortality, then the saying that is written
will be fulfilled:
"Death has been swallowed up in victory."
"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?"
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks
be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

_________________________

The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is
sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is
raised in power.
- 1 Corinthians 15:42-43 (NIV)
_________________________


APrayer: God, help us not be afraid of death but to trust in the
promise of eternal life in Jesus Christ. Amen.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
God gives us life - now and eternally.

-- Mildred K. Butterfield (Oklahoma, U.S.A.)

Rejoice Every Day!

Chrysanthemum, the name I have given to my good friend, has a very hectic life. And she tries to multi task most of the time. Actually she is very successful in doing her tasks. And she often walks the second mile in order to complete her task or help out a friend.

In a way, some less kind and pushy lecturers even say that she is silly to allow others to step on her. But when I was working with her in the 14 years of my time in the college, I often found her to be helpful, thoughtful and caring. No one could have been a better Christian sister like her.

I remember one lecturer even asked me, "What would she gain in helping that student? Isn't she stupid to help this student?" Helping an underdo is not a question of gaining something. As Christians we understand the meaning of "laying treasures in heaven". I let the matter rest and smile knowingly and said," Helping people in need is a joy." I knew she rejoices in helping others.

What I noticed then was she sweated a great deal whenever she worked. But she would not give up doing a piece of work. She would never leave a job half way and go off to relax. You could always trust her to do a job well. When she was given a task, her immediate boss could always rest and sleep easy. When out in the open jungle for our extra curricular activities she would be unafraid of the strong sunlight. She would cook and handle all the activities without any complaints.


Chrsyanthemum is a person who is very observant and discerning. Her fears are often well founded because she has a good eye. Her wisdom is something that I always treasure. More often than not, I would be at the table to discuss matters. She has been a very good sounding board to me when I was still working and now when I am retired. She is clearly a friend who has a great conscience and I am very very comfortable with that.

And slowly I learn that she is person who is steadfast in her belief in God.

She derives her energy through prayers and meditation. And as a Christian convert (she became a Christian late in life) she follows definite principles in life.

One of them is repeating this line from the Psalms: "This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad."

She commits to living in gratitude for the day and that is why when adversities happen to her, she is always happy and never down.

A lot of people around her still do not understand how she operates as a person. Yet they are quick to condemn her and each other else well.

I rejoice every day because of her presence in my life. And I thank the Lord for sending her to me.

Fresh Chrysanthemums

When I first joined the teacher training college I had already passed my 40th birthday and perhaps to many trainees I was already an "old" person. But it did not dawn on me that ageism has already set in.

Teacher training is a daunting task. We have to create ripple effect. We have to be staunch in our beliefs, values and every day work. We have to persevere against all odds.

My first week in the college brought me in close proximity to a sweet young teacher trainer from Malacca. My first impression of her was very good. She was helpful, humble and very down to earth. And I was not wrong as my gut instincts told me that she could be trusted in any battlefield.

I told my children that I had met someone who could play the role of Hua Mu Lan very well. They were delighted by my daily stories of the college, my work, my trainees.

I called her Fresh Chrysanthemum because she liked to wear one particular floral blouse very much. At home, meaning the single lady's quarters which she shared with my head of department, she also wore her batik floral prints.

From that day onwards I was to learn many things about the practicality of life, how to struggle to remain above water and how to invest not only financially but spiritually.

It was good to have such a friend when you are far away from home and struggling to live one day at a time. Chrysanthemum was God sent.